


If the Sun was to Die

by vogue91



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, F/M, Introspection, Mother-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 23:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13087674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: It’s the only thing Lucius and I have in common. It’s the only thing capable to awake in me feelings I wasn’t sure I had.I wouldn’t have allowed anyone to take him away from me.





	If the Sun was to Die

That house, since the moment I’d gone to lived there, had been incredibly cold.

It didn’t matter how much I covered myself, how the fire crackled tirelessly in the fireplace, it wasn’t enough to shake me from the shivers that caught me the moment I walked through the doorstep.

Over the years I understood why; it wasn’t the house that was cold, _it was me._

It wasn’t an ancestral cold, of those capable of freezing any heart, any feeling and any emotion.

I’ve always been cold, since I was a child, but I’ve learnt soon to blame this fault of mine on others. Simply, I had never know someone able to heat me up.

Not my parents nor my sister, certainly not Lucius.

He had always been fairly honest to me, he had proven himself a good husband and had given proof to care for me.

But I never really understood whether I loved him or just respected him.

There was just one thing capable to keep me warm. An ephemeral warmth, fleeting, almost brutal. The very same essence of ice, of cold, of all Lucius and I represented, what we had created together. And from ice, my fire was born.

 

I couldn’t say whether Draco loved me or not. But mothers are silly, so I just needed for him to exist, it sufficed to hear his breath at night to feel complete, alive... happy, at times.

It’s the only thing Lucius and I have in common. It’s the only thing capable to awake in me feelings I wasn’t sure I had.

I wouldn’t have allowed anyone to take him away from me.

“He’s just sixteen, Lucius. Sixteen, for heaven’s sake!” I yelled, a thing so uncommon for me. It wasn’t the time anymore to be the placid Narcissa, the Narcissa that lowered her eyes, the yes-woman. It was time to express all my dormant anger, which had been my companion far too long, making me arid, off, consuming me up to the bones.

Lucius put his hands on his temples, starting to massage them slowly.

“Narcissa... don’t be unreasonable.” he protested, but it was a mild objection that lacked his usual decision.

He wasn’t convinced either, but he wasn’t going to admit it nor he would’ve done something about it. And maybe that was the first time I realized I had married a coward.

But I didn’t really want to blame anything on him, I knew all too well I was victim to the very same sickness as him.

Not in that circumstance though.

I opened my eyes wide, in an expression of completely fake astonishment.

“Lucius... it is not I who’s unreasonable. You’re sending _my_ son to die.” I hissed, and Lucius glared at me.

“You may be forgetting he’s my son as well. And, most important of all, that he wants to do it.” I laughed, sarcastic, as I had never been during my whole life.

“True. He’s your son too. But I’d say you’re not showing much of a paternal instinct if you’re willing to let him go so easily.” I whispered, shaking my head. “You know all too well he doesn’t want to do it. After all, we both know that it’s far from wise saying no to the Dark Lord. You yourself have never been able to.” I accused him, my tone venomous.

I wouldn’t have let conventions and my own compliancy to hinder me from speaking freely. I had no chains to bind me at that time, I was a mother free to fight for her son’s life, alone against all.

I didn’t say anything else to Lucius, though. I didn’t deem it necessary, I knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. I would’ve endured passively the strength of the purest evil, trying to trick it with a cunning I wasn’t even sure I had.

Draco, my son. A snake, worthy of his own father, and perhaps of me as well. A beautiful snake, a snake I loved.

I would’ve saved that snake at all costs, becoming venom myself.

Lucius was my husband and I respected him, but I learnt in that circumstance that blood ties were capable of drowning everything else.

Particularly in the madness of a mother about to see her son ripped from her arms.

 

I approached the window, closing myself up in my own world. I put a hand delicately on the glass, finding it cold.

I wasn’t going to wait anymore for someone to come and warm me up. I would’ve been the source of my own it, the source of my own life.

I would’ve saved my sun.


End file.
